Renewing our energies

Our Tetada Kalimasada group has missed two weeks of our regular practice, due to work schedules, stormy weather and the extended holidays. We were eager and happy to meet tonight, and resume our duduk nafas, jurus, and tafakur.

Starting with the first jurus satu, I felt the energy flow inside me. Holding my breath (takan nafas) through each of the nine jurus had me sweating profusely. Later, Girlie spoke for all of us when she said: “I’ll have a deep, sound sleep tonight!”

After the more vigorous movements, we went through the slow-motion dasar lengkap, following the rhythm of the haunting music. Those of us at the panca sona dua level continued with additional exercises to make our spinal column more flexible.

After our closing duduk nafas, our pelatih Mars Robosa led us through ten minutes of self-healing, and another ten minutes of tafakur, where our minds direct the flow of our inner energies first to our legs, then to our body, and finally to our hands.

In my first year of Tetada Kalimasada, it took me many months longer than my companions to keep my mind still during the tafakur. Too many thoughts would crowd my mind, refusing to fade away to the margins of my consciousness. I tried the usual technique – paying attention to my breathing, or slowly counting the seconds, but without success.

Finally, I decided I should think of the people I care about, and pray for them – starting with my family, other relatives, friends and kindred spirits, people and communities with whom I have some personal connections. That slowly stilled my mind.

From praying for them, I moved on to giving thanks for the people who have been blessings in my life. The prayers of thanksgiving brought me deeper into stillness.

Eventually, I managed to “intent my energies” to direct their flow, and then enter into alpha consciousness, halfway between being fully awake and feeling sleepy, aware of my surroundings but not distracted by them.

Tonight, however, I had a discursive meditation, reflecting on my ideas about “renewing our energies” to sustain our life commitments.

I was taught in the seminary that we should strive to “purify our motives” – eliminate those that are baser and selfish, and aim for nobler, selfless ones. One expression of this is the Jesuit motto AMDG (ad majorem Dei gloriam), for the greater glory of God. When I started getting involved in social issues, I interpreted this God-focused motto with the saying attributed to St. Irenaeus: “The greatest glory of God is human beings fully alive.”

There was a similar spirit in the Marxist-led revolutionary movement, represented by the exhortation of Mao Zedong “to serve the people” selflessly. Again, less than fully noble motives ( bourgeois ) are to be combated relentlessly in favor of proletarian values and virtues.

Both traditions, religious and revolutionary, have appealed to the sense of idealism in us, especially in our youth. Both have their exemplars whose life and death have inspired both believers and unbelievers.

Unfortunately, both traditions have also their share of leaders who have projected themselves as “purified,” only to disappoint their members when they were revealed to be less than what they claimed to be. And many of their members and leaders have felt guilty or at least inadequate because they truthfully acknowledged that self-interest is part of what drives them.

Looking back at the decades of my social involvement, and the thousands of activists that I have the privilege to know, I think that the tradition of “purifying our motives” is not adequate for sustaining a lifelong commitment. It runs the risk of premature burn out, in addition to fostering illusions.

The call to purify our motives remains valid. But it needs another complementary framework which I am still trying to refine. This posting is not the place to elaborate. Let me just sketch it, before going to sleep:

We need to help people realize that we are driven by many motives ( recall Maslow’s list, though I agree with those who disagree with his lining them up in a hierarchy), and these do not go away just because we do not acknowledge them.

Three things we need to learn and do, to have a better chance of sustaining our commitment for a lifetime, through changing times: 1) Recognize our many motives, 2) Organize them to identify the “lead motives”, and 3) Re-organize them from time to time, as the lead motives change.

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